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The Return of an Old Enemy transcript
Scene 1: Bowie-Rickman Memorial Shopping Mall Kermit, Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Doris, Gonzo, Camilla, Link Hogthrob, Denise, Walter, Scooter, Bean, Rizzo, Robin, Pepe and Rowlf have just finished shopping and are sitting around on the big red bench. Kermit: "Well, my dear good friends, now that we're finished shopping, let's go look for a nice dining place to have our lunch." Gonzo: "Oh boy, I wonder what type of fast food or pizza and pasta places they have at Bowie-Rickman Memorial Shopping Mall." Walter looks around the entire shopping mall in fear and shock. Walter: "Kermit, guys, somebody terrible, horrible and pure evil is here!" Kermit: "Who's it this time, Walter? is it Nicky Holiday?" Fozzie: "Murray Plotsky?" Gonzo: "Rachel Bitterman?" Scooter: "Constantine?" Rizzo: "Miss Poogy?" Fozzie: "No, you guys, it's none of those villains, this time it's Doc Hopper and Snake Walker, they brought Constantine and Miss Poogy with them and they're planning to do some sort of evil restaurant business other than that frog legs joint." Kermit: "What a relief, I'm so thrilled that they're not going after me again." Robin: "Me neither." Pepe: "I remember Doc Hopper and Snake Walker from The Muppet Movie, okay." The 15 Muppet friends (along with Robin) walk around, 'til they encounter Doc Hopper again, who wants Bean to advertise for his barbequed rabbit ears commercials. Doc Hopper: "Well, Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, Bean Bunny and everybody, we meet again." Kermit: "Doc Hopper?!? what are you doing here?!?" Miss Piggy: "And what do you want from all of us?!?" Doc Hopper: "Follow me, there's something you guys should see on the television screen." The 15 Muppet friends (along with Robin) follow Doc Hopper over to the television screen. Doc Hopper: "I'm gonna turn on this television screen, now don't be nervous." Doc Hopper turns on the television screen and it shows the commercial he was working on for Doc Hopper's Barbequed Rabbit Ears. Bean: "What the-" Miss Piggy: "Good grief!" Television Doc Hopper: Hi there, I'm Doc Hopper, here to invite you to hop on down and get some barbequed rabbit ears, right here, at the sign of the big rabbit ears." Bean: "Oh dear." Television Doc Hopper: "Hurry, everybody, hurry." Television Doc Hopper: Rabbit ears, rabbit ears rabbit ears so fine Hopper's is the place you should dine there's cheese ears bacon ears, chili ears too home cooked rabbit ears barbecued Bean: "Oh my word." Television Doc Hopper (continued): if you want just a llight snack Skeeter: "Don't worry about it." Television Doc Hopper: Then here is the 1 you'll want a rabbit ear sandwich on a hot dog roll.......' Bean: "That's terrible and horrible, that's the most disturbing thing I've ever seen in my entire life." Doc Hopper: "I know, I'm just a business man, but I do lack the skills of a talented performer." Bean: "You also make 1 lousy rabbit!" Doc Hopper: "You, on the other hand, make a wonderful rabbit." Bean: "What?!?" Rowlf: "He's absolutely right, you're very likable." Doc Hopper: "The dog's absolutely right, you, my likable rabbit friend, are gonna do all of our television commercials! Bean: "No I'm not!" Doc Hopper: "Just 1 minute, there's $57.00 in it for you right up front, $57.00 is just the beginning, you could be earning this much cash every single year." Kermit: "Come on, you guys, let's get outta here." The 18 Muppet friends (along with Robin) go right back on the Electric Mayhem bus and they begin driving off. Doc Hopper: "Snake, Constantine, Poogy, follow that rabbit with me in the car!" They all get in Doc Hopper's car and begin driving off. Snake Walker: "That little rabbit is gonna see the end of his daylights when we catch up to him." Constantine: "He'll be seeing his lights go out when he's noticed." Miss Poogy: "He'll be getting the taste of his own worst nightmares." Cut back to the Electric Mayhem bus driving right down the city streets...... Kermit: "Hey, Dr. Teeth, they're right behind all of us!" Dr. Teeth: "I know, Kermit, I know." Bean: "Look, you guys, a desert and a ghost town!" Kermit: "Dr. Teeth, you better pull right over there." Dr. Teeth: "Alright, Kermit, just as long as you order it." The Electric Mayhem bus pulls right at the desert and ghost town. Bean's now wearing wild west cowboy gear. Doc Hopper: "Alright, little rabbit." Bean: "Alright, Doc Hopper, you crazy creepy man!" Doc Hopper: "1 more chance, you can do our television commercials whether you're alive or deceased." Bean: "Not so fast, Doc Hopper and evil army!" Constantine: "You and what, army?" Kermit: "This army right here!" Miss Poogy: "What are you gonna do about it?" Miss Piggy: "What I should've done all along!" Miss Piggy: (karate kicking Doc Hopper, Snake Walker, Constantine and Miss Poogy) "Hii-yah!" Kermit: "Good job there, Piggy, now, Animal, beat them down with your drum sticks." Animal: "Bad men, bad frog, bad lady pig!" Animal beats Doc Hopper, Snake Walker, Constantine and Miss Poogy with his drum sticks 'til the 4 villains are knocked out cold on the ground. Kermit: "Okay, everybody, we defeated the 4 villains, now let's all go back home to our boarding house."